anger post ...

          I need to get a few things off my chest... 1) why is it that society is so fucked up?

People will lie and lie some more just to make themselves look and feel better.. 

I will put my hand up, I plead responsible and fully guilty for that exact action. 

I am definitely not the best person I know, but what really bothers me is that I haven't given 

myself the chance to be that person. I have very good friends, I have started to realize this lately especially. My friends that have stuck around are pretty fucking radical friends, 

I need to just remember what I'm here for and mind my own business... 

Why do I find it so difficult, maybe I will have to take a ferry trip to seek some professional help. 

It would make sense, I cant seem to shake the shooting still. 

My thoughts aren't fully developed anymore, I have a hard time doing every day things, 

simple work does not make sense to me anymore. 

All I am good at is smoking weed and hanging out, I'm a lot better at being alone than 

I used to be though. Thank god for that... My need to be surrounded, 

whether it be people I felt comfortable with or didn't is slowly starting to fade. I think Im going to stop smoking weed when I work. That helped me to focus... Stocking up on tea is necessary as of now. 

I am going to make a vow to myself staring March 1st 2013 that I will only smoke to love and to get in to a routine of waking up at 6 am every day. 

The tree on my wrist that I ever so badly have drawn will be a reminder of my month long plan. 

If I fail to complete the task as followed. I will read back on this and forever regret not sticking to what I knew was good for me. 

.disk weekly. blog daily. read daily. practice yoga daily.

 .pass on one act of kindness daily. laugh daily.       

   .sleep well. 

Spread kindness

I caught myself trying to figure out ways to spread kindness to people today. I have been way too selfish the past few years and without realizing, have caught myself in a downward spiral. Thanks to my new readings and my new outlook, these bad habits are gradually changing. I know that it won't happen overnight but I also know that the person I am is an amazing, kindhearted person. I have so much room to grown, love and learn. Today a realization of self awareness happened, the other day my 5 year old cousin innocently said "people in my class hate me", I only had one response "As long as you known your heart that you are a nice person and that you don't do anything to make people upset on purpose, you shouldn't have to care about if they like you because being kind is all that matters." She smiled and said " Meg, I love you. " In this moment, I understood how much it really matters to be kind, to spread all the love you have to give and to share wise words with youth. I hope that one day my little cousin will grow up to know that what ever she does in her life is her decision and that only she can love herself as much as I do. I have been trying to spend as much time with my little cousin as possible because she is at the age where she absorbs everything she hears, takes it in, naturally gets rid of any negative, then smiles and carries on. Spread kindness and self love will then follow.

Practice your truth

Tonight I read a post on peacenlove . This post motivated me.. I have been influenced by two writers lately, both yogis and one adventurous as the next, furthermore both as willing as each other to spread the light of yoga throughout the world. We as people naturally think negative thoughts, the only way to bypass this is to love yourself deeply. I have been reading a lot on yoga and meditation lately. Journey To The Heart by Melody Beattie, daily mantra and my new crutch. Luckily for me this crutch is the most positive influence on my life at the moment. It has helped me through an interesting bump in the road that happened on new years day, I was unfairly fired from my job and was not too happy about it either. So I sat down under my sheet draped bed, and read, the first passage to Melody Beattie's enlightening skill set. When I say skill set I am referring to how awesome at life Melody truly is. The book starts out with Melody explaining what prompted her heart to write this amazing mantra for the souls of others. She tells you of her epiphany that took place and brought her to the journey of a lifetime. She knew she had to do it and took that feeling as a sign from god. The next day, her boxes were packed in her jeep and she was ready for an adventure..alone, to some of the most beautiful protected land. She took in everything she saw and learned from almost every detail. This woman knows what it is to live. I have read a passage ever since that day and my life has improved immensely. I sat on my bed that day and opened my heart to not only a book, but a journey. I got my job offer today, I can not wait to get over to Pender Island and live life the way I grew up. I have missed the ocean, I have missed the forest, the rain, the sand and the adventures. This is coming so soon and I couldn't be more excited to go somewhere so perfect to practice. Practice today was very moving. Yoga hasn't been a priority in my life, not like it used to. I understand now why I appreciated it so much before. The music hits you and you realize things you never thought imaginable. I took a good look at who I am, who I've become, and also who I want to become. The one who laughs at most things just because life is that good, the one who always sings her heart out to any song playing, the one who's smile could light up a room. I want to make a difference to somebody who needs change. I want to change the world. I don't know if I can at this point in time but I feel as though, with more practice will come more self love, resulting in an independent girl who can make change happen. I feel like I'm rambling but I have a lot of positive energy oozing out of every fibre of my being and I can't help but to express it. I need to sleep. goodnight world I will one day explore.

shut down

try to remember



sitting here trying to remember what my great idea ten minutes ago was, I feel as though I may have lost my brain. I can rack it as much as possible but it never seems to get right back on track to where it was before.. this only happens about every day.  train of thought..slipped away. so short my memories last, but those that do are one, alas my thoughts all tangled in one and the people around me all shoot guns.